Stephanie's Dream

I was having this dream, Mikey, it was one of a number of Celebrity Persecution Nightmares. This one had Don Ameche, who’s dead so I know it’s a dream. I was scheduled to give an award for Comedy at the Academy Awards, even though they don’t have this category, so I know it’s a dream. But, the thing was, I was LATE, so the programmers or whatever have to come up with this other cheesy act, and they bring out...heh, heh, they bring out these dancing monkeys, and they start shitting all over the stage. And so I finally get there, and I’m wearing this horrible Raggedy Ann Doll dress, with big fat ribbons in my hair. I’m trying to walk up to the stage, to the podium, and I run into Don Ameche, and he waltzes me up to the stage, the whole time whispering in my ear, “My God, how could you fuck this up, you don’t even realize what you’ve done, making the whole world wait for you to show up so we could get to the end of the show.” And I get up there, and I give this incredible, moving speech full of wit and wisdom, and all I hear is crickets. And that’s it.